so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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