I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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