i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Oh god it's open bar.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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