evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize