My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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