Sry I called you an 8
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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