She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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