sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
