I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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