u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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