there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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