Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
