All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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