OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
