He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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