i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
