how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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