he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
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Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
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At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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