Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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