Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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