Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
