i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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