i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
