I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize