Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Randomize
