This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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