Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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