absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
