i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
