I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
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He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
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You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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