grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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