All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
