so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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