Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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