I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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