If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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