she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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