I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
