You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
