Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Less talking, more tequila
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
