Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
