your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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