I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
