i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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