You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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