my sisters under your porch take her home
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
