I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
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He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
me + whiskey = a bad person
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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