So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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