I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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