She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
