btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
