I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
