her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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