I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
