Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
