i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
