If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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