Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
How naked do you want me to be?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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