Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
