wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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