i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
