I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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