Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
