Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
