Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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