dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
