I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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