Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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