A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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