its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
